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I love the Superman song, quality! I was in Spain the other year and they played it every night in the hotel. I danced along every night and I wasn’t even drunk sometimes ;0)

My parents were on holiday this week and I thought I’d do the decent thing and try to do a bit of cleaning before they got home. They came back on the Friday so I booked that day off. I spent over an hour cleaning the bathroom (top to bottom) and when I finished I treated myself to a bath. Fair enough right? Ok so after I had my lovely bath and pulled out the plug and got ready.

Half an hour later the water was still in the bath. I had to get a bucket and scoop out the water, wasn’t too hard but thats not the worst of it. I chucked a load of extra strength bleach down the drain and all I got was a few bubbles. Yeah – because that did a world of good. I was freaking out by this point, so I went house hunting for a plunger but could I find one? No.

So, I thought I’d save the day by buying a plunger and unblocking the plug hole myself. After my purchase (I went out without brushing my hair – not a good look for me but desperate times means sacrifice) I raced home and confronted the bath. Boy did I plunge! I’ve never, in MY LIFE seen so much brown crap. God knows what it was, because to the best of my knowledge no one in my family shits in the bath. It was a battle of wills but I prevailed!I even shouted at the plug hole ‘fuck you plug hole – thought you could best me!’ (this is true, in an empty house as well!).

Moral of the story? Don’t bother wasting a day off to clean because it’s more trouble than its worth.

Went to the filming of Alan Carr’s Chattyman on Thursday (to be screened tonight on C4). I loved it, Alan is a legend and he cracks me up every week with his witty remarks! I very much doubt I’ll be seen in the program, I had a bunch of screaming bimbo’s next to me who ‘whooped’ everytime some one spoke.

Get real.

Also on the warm up the bloke who came out to bore us made a joke about sleeping with the person next to you and the prat next to me said ‘yeah you’d be so lucky’. Clearly she doesn’t look in the mirror before she graces the world with her fucking ugly presence. Honestly she wasn’t all that and to insult another persons looks when your  ‘fugly’  yourself is just, well, pathetic.

And on that note I leave you with this:

Did you know, that the bird is the WORD?

Can’t believe Jacko died the day after my birthday, what a crock. I’m sad that it’s happened and we have lost a true legend. It’s the classic saying isn’t it, ‘you don’t realise what you’ve got till it’s gone’. I think that’s how everyone is feeling about Jacko right now. What I don’t understand is why ‘Man In The Mirror’ is top of the charts but ‘Thriller’ isn’t? How did that happen? Personally, ‘Man In The Mirror’ is own of my favourites but I didn’t think half the world’s population agreed with me!

Went to my uncle’s 60th birthday party last night. This side of the family is quite a bit more well off than we are so needless to say the marquee was gorgeous and they had nice food. My uncle (bless his heart) turned up in a 70′s style white suit with a black shirt, this was complete with tan. I just couldn’t help myself, I cracked up. You see, everytime I looked at him all I saw was Mel from ‘Benidorm’ staring back at me! I half expected him to get up on stage and do a bit of high pitched karaoke.

When I was at this party we was all sitting outside and my other half saw a massive spider on my leg and decided the best way to get rid of it was to kick me. I was wearing white and the grass was wet so you can imagine how that went. Ironically we sat back down there a hour later and another giant spider decided to climb up my leg, I think it was the same one coming back for more!

Back to work tomorrow, I wish I could win the lottery or something so I could live the life of luxury. All the job’s I’ve applied for have got no where. Word of advice – don’t trust anyone who works at a job agency. Keep on their backs everyday – pester the shit out of them if you have to. Trust me, if you dare to ‘leave it in their hands’ you won’t hear sod all for 3 weeks despite chasing constantly.

General observation – is it just me or is ‘Top Gear’ not as good as it used to be? They’re testing out boy racer cars and from what I can ascertain it didn’t go well. What the fuck has Richard Hammond done with his hair – sort it out mate! I can’t believe I’m about to say this but James May’s hair is better than Hammond’s at this moment in time.

I need a cup of tea, the world’s gone mad!!!

I’m not really that concited, but a girl can’t get enough presents.

However, stormy clouds have passed over my birthday waters. For my birthday celebrations I’ve organised a night out with my pals at Pizza Express, I sent an invite on Facebook about a month ago.  Everyone replied except one person, who I’m not that close to. I booked the table at Pizza Express and was told over the phone I couldn’t increase the seat space because there is another large booking the same night. Fair enough right?

Ok, another friend of mine got in touch with the person who didn’t reply to my invite asking if she is coming and she told her she was. This was after I’d booked the the table and told everyone who was going the times etc. May interest you to know at this point this mate who stuck her ore in is the same person who’s birthday I went to in April and I ended up leaving early because she spent most of the evening talking to the toilet attendant (please refer to post ‘I’m not perfect so sue me’) for more details.

Interesting development? Maybe she didn’t do it with the intention of causing trouble but if I’m being honest I’ve got a feeling that if Friday night didn’t go so well she wouldn’t be upset. I know for sure this mate of mine wasn’t happy about me leaving early on her birthday because she admitted it to me.

Anyway, I told my mate who stuck her ore in that my other friend wouldn’t be able to go and I got a bit of hard time from her. She started saying that I would have to get in touch with my friend and tell her she couldn’t come! I sat there and thought ‘hold on a minute, this other mate of mine hasn’t even spoke to me directly and told me she’s going to come and now I have sort out what is essentiallysomeone else’s. What a joke. Anyway I did just that, I send her an email saying sorry and asking we all go out soon etc. While I was waiting for a reply I kept getting texts from my other mate saying ‘I’m not going to lie to her if she asks me if she can go’. I had to explain I’d got in touch with this person and was waiting for a reply.

Clearly, she wanted to spill the beans. To cause trouble? I don’t know.

My friend was ok with not being able to go, we’re not that close anyway so it was all fine just like I thought it would be. What I found rich was what my other mate said to me before I got a reply to my email, she said ‘I don’t know how …… is going to take it’.

Yeah, she really kicked off lol!.

So that’s all sorted and problem averted, I like this other person and I did want her to come it’s just she never got back to me. What more could I have done?

So this mate of mine who stuck her ore in? What do you think? I’ll tell you something else she said as well. Another friend of mine is coming with her boyfriend. This mate used to come out quite a lot, but the past few months we’ve not seen as much of her. This is due to her saving to move out and meeting a new fella etc. I’m quite laid back about this kind of thing, as we get older our commitments change and we can’t all keep going out on the piss every weekend like 18 year olds.  I’m the same, I don’t go out as much as I used to. This doesn’t mean I don’t like my mates, I just sometimes prefer to sit in and watch Mock The Week – what’s wrong with that?

Anyway my friend who stuck her ore in was texting me last week and her words were ‘No offence, but to be honest I don’t expect …….. to come’. That’s nice that is! I think my friend would be quite upset if this person turned up because she was too ill to go out for her birthday in April. My mate thinks this other person wasn’t really ill and had made the whole thing up, which is ridiculous! She also thinks this person doesn’t really like her because she didn’t attend her birthday.

I don’t have these issues with any of my other friends, only this one person. I think she must be very insecure to feel like everyone dislikes her if they don’t do what they want. Are we not allowed to live our lives the way we want it? Are we not allowed to be un-well? Clearly not.

So I hope this Friday goes without incident, I just want all my mates to relax and have a good evening.

I will keep you posted!! :0)

I went to Longleat yesterday and a male lion walked right passed the car! He was about half a metre away from us, I couldn’t believe it! We fed some deer (Rowbuck I think…) and got slobbered all over. I don’t care it was worth it.  We got caught in that god awful weather on the way home (if your reading and you live in the south east of the UK you’ll know what I’m talking about). I can’t remember the last time I saw rain that bad.

I finished reading ‘Catcher in The Rye’ last week, I wish someone had warned me before reading. I don’t think there was one positive sentence in the whole book. Don’t get me wrong, it was well written but it was just too much depression. I won’t be picking that up for a second read.

We (my man and I) did have a really good time, despite hardly knowing anyone. We got to meet some new people including a man in a ‘Mr Incredible’ outfit, who turned out to be my friends new beau. Oh, didn’t I mention that it was a fancy dress BBQ? Guess not. Not everyone dressed up. but the ones who did really made the effort. There was a very funny bloke (ha ha funny, not take the piss funny) dressed up as ‘The Joker’.

I think he picked that outfit deliberately, don’t you? A physical manifestation of his personality? Possibly, I doubt I’ll meet him again, so I will never find out.

That evening aside, my social workout hasn’t quite finished yet. We’ve got my friends BBQ this Saturday coming and a fortnight after that I’ve got my birthday celebrations (at Pizza Express – yum!).

Other news this week? I found out that you can discreetly hand over discount vouchers at a posh restaurant without looking like a tight wad. However I did forgot to leave a tip, which did make me look like a tight arse. Oh well, these are desperate times and I think the discount voucher probably gave them a heads up on that one.

Yesterday I saw the new Oasis drink advert, you know the one with Rubberduckzilla? It’s by far the funniest advert so far this year. I’ve got a thing about rubber ducks, long story. I don’t even know why I like rubber ducks, I just do! It reminds me of the rubber duckie song from Three Men and A Lady’. 

Over to work and again it’s the same shit, just a different week. I’ve now ‘offically’ signed up to just about every agency that advertises jobs in London. I’m applying to at least 6 places a week, I’m hoping I’ll get lucky soon. 

Watching the new series of ‘Kingdom’, I love it as always! It’s like being wrapped in a nice warm blanket, with a cuppa brew. Stephen Fry has that effect on me, he even sends me to sleep some nights. Honestly this is a complement, he just has one of those voices. I always look for QI on Dave when I have trouble sleeping, I find about 15 minutes of his dulcet tones sends me off everytime. Also got the last episode of ‘Ashes to Ashes’ tomorrow night, a part of me doesn’t want Alex to get home. She should be with the Gene Genie. She knows it, he knows it and the sodding audience knows it!

Or do we all just have a perverse sence of humour? Who knows.

I was book shopping online (got my self ‘Catcher in The Rye’  by J D Salinger and ‘Sorting Out Billy’ by the one and only Jo Brand). Honestly there’s nothing better than coming home from a shit day at work to find a package of joy waiting for you. One mistake I do have a habit of making is being taking in by book covers, I nearly made this mistake with ‘Fist of The Spider Woman’ – until I read the synopsis and found it’s an ‘erotic lesbian horror’ Get real!

I tried to explain to my man last night how important it is that beavers are introduced back into Britain’s countryside. Just to demonstrate how attentive he is and clearly wanting to show he’d taken interest, he pointed to an otter 15 minutes later and said ‘they’ve hardly been gone centuries have they?’. Since when did BEAVER, sound like OTTER? Nice to know he cares, I’ll remember that the next time he puts on Soccer Saturday in the middle of Spongebob.

Re-watching The Inbetweeners’ series two, I was hoping it would be funnier the second time round but it’s not. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fantastic and Jay just gets funnier. Despite this, it just lacked that spark that made ‘Foodball Friends’ and the classic ‘Frizzbee Moment’ comic gold.

Big Brothers back  tonight- I’m going to ignore it till it goes away.

Since when were websites allowed to go strike? I suppose its only a matter of time before some middle class jobsworth invents a ‘Justice for Social Networking Sites’ campaign. 

What is the world coming to I ask?

Finished my Neil Gaiman, I knew I was approaching the end yesterday so I surfed the net for some more reads. ‘Catcher In The Rye’ looks good. Not only does it sound like a half decent book, it’s also revered by the literary set. So for once I get to look intellectual on the way to work! Oooohooooo.

Need to get the book first, don’t want to get ahead of myself.

As I’m on the subject, if you have slightly unusual reading habits I recomment: David Moody, Bill Hussey, Susan Hill and Richard Matherson (yes he wrote ‘I Am Legend’ – but go off the beaten track and you’ll find some good reads). Oh, I warn you the only David Moody in print at the moment is ‘Hater’ – but its worth getting your hands on.

I was watching an advert for Nicotine gum for people who want to quite smoking. I was thinking, couldn’t scientists get other substances into gum? It was be virtually undetectable.  Maybe someone could develop alcoholic chewing gum?Imagine that!

I was upset to learn that Big Brother is making a return to our screens this week. One question – why? Answers on a postcard to ‘Who gives a fuck – Po Box 10 – Channel 4 Headquaters’. Ok, its a long shot but you never know they might finally start listening. Maybe C4 could spend the extra cash making more ‘Coach Trip’ and ‘Come Dine With Me’.

Enquiry – why is Hollyoaks still around? Is there honestly any point in that show? If blokes want to look at good looking girls can’t that just get FHM? Isn’t that what its there for? Or am I missing the point?

Some job agency email me today offering what looks like a job in a Betting Shop in Dublin. One – I don’t do gambling. I do enough of that everyday crossing the London roads. Two (probably the most important) – I don’t live in Ireland. Do these people not read? That said I’m going to keep truckin’ and hopefully in the fullness of time a job will finally turn up.

Went out clubbing again at the weekend and yet again was reminded of how old I am. I ‘again’ felt like the chaperon at the school disco. The DJ played Vengaboys and half the kids on the dancefloor looked round confused. WFT? I’m not being funny little kiddies, but they are far better that some of crap being pumped out at the moment. That’s saying something – trust me.

I did get wasted outa my mind that night – I got up the next day and I was dissy until midday. I went out to enjoy the sun and it made me feel sick. I know it’s pathetic. I don’t need to be told.

OMG – Just watching Springwatch and I’ve just seen some wild Beavers released into the wild for the first time in the UK! I’m not kidding I’ve just seen it! I’m actually really excited – I’m an animal lover of sorts. It’s times like this I’m glad to live here.

Mission accomplished.